I arose before the cheeks of dawn had had the chance to blush their vibrant hue,

when darkness hung over the world like black ink dripping from a mighty pen. I arose to

find my heart filled to the brim with pain, with joy, with life. Picking up that very pen from

which both light and dark, good and evil emanate, I began to write the story of today–a

tale of great forces entangled in the Cosmic Drama.

At present I am seated on a train. The wheels are humming along the tracks just

as the earth seems to hum as it whirls around the sun, for there is a great joy to motion

that infuses the traveler with the very buzz of existence. Outside my window the curtain

of dawn has begun to lift, revealing the bright orange costumes of actors eager to

astound the audience. What wonders will transpire today? What discoveries? What

ideas spawned and loves consummated?

The last month has been an absolute blur for me.  I defended, presented and completed my masters thesis.  I then spent the next few weeks working full time on Capital Good Fund and Group stuff, while also dealing with the final stages of purchasing my new condo–which quickly turned into a nightmare of back-and-forth emails, revised documents, etc.  For graduation week, two of my best friends, Jared and Danny, as well as my parents, came out to visit.  The week started out with Jared and I going out for a bike ride on an absolutely beautiful day in Providence.  We had been eagerly anticipating the ride for quite some time because we hadn’t gone for a ride together in a while.  As the ride was starting, I noticed a strange notice coming from my bike, but I didn’t think anything of it until about 10 minutes in when suddenly my rear derailleur snapped completely in half (photo below).  It turns out that as a result of a crash I had about a month and a half ago the carbon faceplate on the derailleur had sustained a tiny crack that got larger until it suddenly failed.  However, Jared and I did end up doing several beautiful rides–with me on my touring bike and him on his race bike–and that about exemplifies how the last month has been: on the whole, absolutely fantastic, but also stressfull and full of surprises.  Read on for more about my graduation!

Last night, as I watched the election results come in and it became clear that not only was Barack Obama going to win but that he was going to win handily, I couldn’t help but feel as though something profound was transpiring.  For the last 8 years whenever I have craved the inspiration of historical moments and rhetorical flourishes, I have had to find succor in the speeches of Martin Luther King, John F. Kennedy, and the other great orators and leaders that have inspired not only Americans but also the World.

But when Barack Obama accepted the Democratic nomination in Denver, and said the kind of things in his speech that one dreams of hearing politicians say, I knew that something profound was transpiring.  Still, I, like so many in this country, was afraid that Obama would not win.  In the final stretches of the campaign he had every nasty tactic in the book thrown at him–accusations of socialism, of “palling around with terrorists”, of being “not like you and me,” etc.  So when 11:00 PM rolled around last night and Obama’s electoral votes were well over 300, all I could do was blink away tears and wait for this new breed of leader to come and give his acceptance speech.

I feel tired and inadequate.  I have just taken a break from reading a biography of Paul Farmer, the founder of Partners in Health.  Dr. Farmer is one of those people–like Gandhi, like Muhammad Yunus–whose boundless energy, passion and devotion to his cause are what enable him to succeed in solving some of the most intractable problems in the world.  Compared with the towering, unyielding energy of these people, I feel small, meek and timid.  When I was in Cairo, for instance, helping my amazing friend T.H., I was overwhelmed by the slums in which he works.  And while I long to lead a life as committed as his, I at times fear that I will not be able to overcome the roadblocks in my own mind.

What to do?

I have been in a funk since mid-November. The scary thing is that, in many ways, I didn’t realize how out of it I’ve felt until today. That’s because today, after 5 months, my best friend, Eva, finally signed online and spoke to me again. Eva is from Spain, and since we met three years ago while I was studying abroad in Granada, she has been a source of stability and friendship for me. Suddenly, in late October, she stopped answering my calls, and so began a long period of time during which I always felt slightly unhappy and off-center.

There are two things I believe in so passionately that they drive the direction and course of my very existence. The first is the power of an impassioned, energetic individual with a vision to alter the course of history. This transformative power (or is it a responsibility?) is what Buckminster Fuller referred to as a ‘trimtab solution.’ A trimtab is “a tiny rudder on the trailing edge of the main rudder that causes an initial momentum to allow the main rudder to turn with less effort.” In other words, these great individuals make it easier for society to turn in a new direction, by giving their surroundings a push.